Worried that you may have some toxic behavior like our presidential candidates? Maybe you’re stubborn. Or a bad listener. Maybe you act passive-aggressively when your business partner, spouse, or children irritate you — or maybe, you’re a little bit of all of these things. But which ones are really doing our relationships the most harm? Here’s some eye-opening advice on 4 ways to lead the charge in correcting these damaging behaviors:
- Refusing to listen – “We see the world from our viewpoint and our position,” says Ellis. “We don’t think that there might be more than one way to look at or address a situation.” A lot of this inability to see from your partner’s point of view stems from a failure to listen. “It’s a really toxic problem because you’re not able to connect with the other person,” Ellis says. Listening is giving the gift of respect.
- Making assumptions – One of our most toxic habits is assuming that our relationships automatically understand what we’re trying to say. But most times, they don’t. It’s crucial “to clarify, rather than assume the other person knows what you know, sees what you see, has heard what you’ve heard,” says Ellis. You need to take the time to make your point of view clear so as to ensure that the two of you are on the same page.
- Getting in your own way – We’ve all experienced the desire to make the people we care about be just like us: Enjoy the same hobbies as us, laugh at the same things as us, communicate like us, etc. But sometimes, we go so far as to make the toxic conclusion that the things that make them different from us are “wrong.” Instead, you should learn to accept your relationships for exactly who he or she is. And, actually celebrate their differences, rather than look at them as negatives. “It’s a more specific way to show respect for someone,” Ellis says.
- Being stubborn – Stubbornness is funny because it can be an extremely good quality — it gives us the perseverance to keep going even after we fail, which is a necessary habit to have if you want to succeed in certain areas of your life, like school and your career. But, it can start to be a problem when it works its way into your relationships. When you get so invested in having to be right, your relationship gets undermined.
When you find the confidence and the courage to say “I’m sorry”, most times, the other person will also feel comfortable admitting they’re at fault, too. What are thoughts and comments on these 4 toxic behaviors? Please share!
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